just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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