Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
