If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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