Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
