You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
