Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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