I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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