You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
