He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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