I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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