I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My penis needs a shock collar
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
