i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
