How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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