What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
