I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
