I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
