wakey wakey hands off snakey
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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