His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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