my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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