just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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