Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
