I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
