We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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