I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why do cheetos always look like penises
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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