I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
