my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
