last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
