oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
