Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
