This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mom said you looked used
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
