i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
