Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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