I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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