made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
