you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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