Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
