The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
