I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
