giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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