2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
