The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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