I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
