I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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