You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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