Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
