the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
