You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
