dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
