these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
