There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
