Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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