We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
