I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
