peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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