Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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