The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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