I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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