I can tuck mytits in my pants
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
