How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
