Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
